MY STRENGTH

Our last little angel is Gabriel Vincent.

In February of 2008, my husband and I separated.  I married him through sickness and health, but I didn't necessarily have to live with him in it.

From the very beginning we continued to function as a family and work towards healing and reconciliation.  I insisted on one year minimum to insure authentic change, and was willing to go longer if needed.

My husband graciously supported us financially, and I was able to continue to stay home with our kids.

We went to church together, our small groups and all family functions together.  We participated in our own individual recoveries, and counseling as well.

He came over after work, sometimes ate dinner with us, helped with bedtime, sometimes stayed for a little while, then went home.

It was hard.  The decision was hard.  The boundaries were hard.  Having three kids alone was hard.

God knows what He's doing.

You see, I argued with God for four months about why separating was not a good idea.  He led me into it, and through it, one step at a time.

I had always wanted four children, and especially another boy.  When we separated I didn't know if we would ever have any more children.  Even if we made it through this, would it be a good idea?  I grieved the loss of this baby I may never have.  I let him go into God's hands, and into His will, prepared to never see him.

Two months later, Father's Day to be exact, I got pregnant with Gabriel.

I always wanted a Gabriel.  I had no idea what it meant, I had just always loved the name.  I just knew it was a boy.

Our separation continued for 21 months, through the pregnancy and birth, and 8 months into raising four children, much of the time, alone.

Turns out, Gabriel means, "God is my strength."

Vincent means "Victorious."

He's the only one we named without knowing the meanings first, and whose name most accurately testifies of his journey to this earth.

Without diving deeply into God's word, trusting in Him alone for my joy, peace, hope, security, and future, leaning on His abundant provision of love, comfort, necessities, and people, and carefully stepping only where He led me, I would have never made it through my worst fear... separation.

God ALONE was my strength!

And because He was, I lived victoriously above my circumstances.

I pray this is Gabriel's testimony as well.

MEDITATE ON IT

Describe a time God has walked you through your worst fear.  What did you learn about God?  Yourself?

In crisis, do you often run towards God, or from Him?  Why?

How does focusing on God in difficult circumstances aid your own transformation?

PRAY ABOUT IT

Father God, You are so faithful to us to provide us with everything we need, especially when You call us into difficult circumstances.  Help us to trust You, and Your faithfulness, and provision more.  Forgive us when we doubt Your ability to handle our crisis and take control.  Give us the faith to follow You where You lead us, even if it is difficult.  Make us testify that our God is our strength.

LIVE IN IT

"I will love You, O LORD, my strength.  The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;  My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies." (Psalm 18:1-3)

"But [God] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
(2 Cor. 12:9)

"For whatever is born of God overcomes the world.  And this is the victory that has overcome the world- our faith." (1 John 5:4)