It is a rather incredible experience to be at the end of myself. I never wanted to have limitations much less admit them. Although it is the very thing I’ve spent most of my life attempting to avoid, it is what has brought me freedom.
Let’s start from the beginning.
Although I grew up in a Christian home, after high school I decided God’s way wasn’t going to work for me. I went my own way. I met and married my husband living a very self-directed life.
Maybe you first have to understand my plans. I was in my third year of college majoring in Molecular Biology. My husband and I had been married just over a year. The plan was I would finish my doctorate and settle into a prestigious career of disease and genetic disorder research before we had children. So, I was aiming for late twenties or early thirties to have children. My mom was mid-thirties when she had my sister and I, and it seemed to work out well for her.
God had begun to direct my steps a different way.
Psalm 16:9 says, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”
Does He ever! Just seeing this in writing makes me smile! I had my fourth and final baby at the same age I planned to have my first, 28.
My first experience of reaching the end of myself was when my first child was born.
Second Corinthians 12:9-10 describes why this is. “And [God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness’…For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
